You're not the cuddling type!
by Cats070911
Summary: When Tommy is dumped by his girlfriend and ends up on Barbara's doorstep they go out as friends. Can one night really change your life?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. Sorry it has been a while. I had a few major projects, now mostly completed. Hopefully time for a few stories, if you want them

* * *

Sergeant Barbara Havers searched her jacket pockets then her bag. She found an old dry-cleaning ticket for a pair of slacks she had forgotten about, and about ten pounds of loose coins, but her notebook was missing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Barbara tried to focus on when she last had it. When they interviewed witnesses she had scribbled hurried notes. She had definitely used it during the interview with the Jewish butcher at his shop. It had been a struggle guessing how to spell oy vey iz mir. Her DI, Tommy Lynley, had later debated possible escape routes for the killer and she had referred to it as he outlined his ideas. Then he asked her to look up the streets on the mobile. She squeezed her hands into fists and tried to remember. "On the console! I put it down to look up the map then we went back and arrested the butcher's assistant."

Relieved that she had remembered and had not lost it, she now had another problem - how to get it back. It was Monday night and they were not rostered on until Thursday. She had hoped to write up her report while everything was fresh in her mind. She reached for her phone and typed a careful text.

 _Left notebook in your car. Okay to collect soon? Can't keep my boss waiting for his report ;)_

Barbara watched her screen for a few minutes but there was no reply. Tommy had seemed a bit anxious when he had dropped her home so she presumed he had another date with whatever-her-name-is. Barbara had lost count. He had dated at least seven women in the last three months but none of them lasted long. She was not sure whether he left them or vice versa but it was probably a combination. He never seemed too concerned.

She had just sat down to eat her two boiled eggs when the doorbell rang. She took a quick bite of the toasted soldiers then headed for the door. She pulled it open and gasped. "Sir! I wasn't expecting you."

Tommy held up her notebook. "Can't have you relax on your time off when there's paperwork. I hear your boss is quite the slavedriver."

Barbara opened the door further and took the notebook. "Oh he's the worst in the Met. No one can work with him, he's so moody." His smile faded and she thought she had gone too far. "Sorry, it was joke."

"I know. It's not that."

She sensed something was wrong. He was immaculately dressed in a soft grey suit with an expensive, pleasantly tight blue shirt that was open at the neck. "Do you want to come in? Or are you heading somewhere? I'm just having my dinner."

Tommy checked his watch then smiled tightly. He glanced at the toast in her hand and arched his eyebrow. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's okay." Barbara felt awkward. He was not giving her any clues about what he wanted to do. "Come in."

Barbara caught a flicker of a smile. She hurriedly led him past the piles of fresh and dirty laundry hoping that he would not comment. "Do you want a drink?"

"What goes best with what you're eating?"

"Boiled eggs? Um, water maybe?"

She was relieved to see him laugh as he pulled up a chair next to her. "Don't let me keep you," he said, gesturing at her eggs.

Luke warm boiled egg and cold toast is not the most appetising meal. She took a bite and tried not to pull a face. She did not want him to feel bad for interrupting her.

"What about I take you to dinner where we can have a proper meal and a drink?"

Barbara looked him up and down. "Don't you have a date?"

"No, Belinda cancelled. She would prefer not to see me anymore."

"Ah. I'm sorry Sir. And yes, the pub sounds like it's exactly what we both need." Barbara looked down at her daggy t-shirt and track pantss. "Can I just change into some jeans?"

"Of course."

Barbara debated whether to wear her new jeans or not. Tommy had seen her in jeans before but these had been a spur of the moment purchase suggested by a sales assistant who thought Barbara needed jeans that 'did not look like you're going on shift down a mine.' She had bought them mainly to shut the girl up, but if she was going to the pub with Tommy they might be perfect. She would never wear them if she was unescorted, in case men got the wrong idea.

She quickly checked the mirror. They pulled tightly in all the right places, accentuating her curves. Barbara knew she had a reasonable figure lurking under her layers of drab bagginess and lately she had started to wear clothes with a better cut and more style. She hoped it might give her more confidence.

She searched for a top. Most of her clean ones were out in the basket with Tommy. She chose a loose top from her cupboard. She might have been slightly risqué with the jeans but she did not want Tommy getting the wrong idea. She knew he just needed a friend.

"Nice jeans!" He gave her a generous smile. She noticed him still watching her as she bent over to pick up her bag. She thought there was a slightly lecherous twinkle in his eye but decided she was imagining it.

* * *

They walked to her local and staggered home four hours later. She had not intended to have as many pints as they had, but there had been a band playing which had been surprisingly good with a mix of music they both of them enjoyed. They had eaten their bangers and mash, a dish Tommy no longer seemed embarrassed to eat, then found a small table closer to the band. One pint as they joked about the colourful witnesses they had encountered during the case led to another, and another, until finally at midnight the band had stopped and the crowd dispersed. The line for the cab was too long and Tommy had insisted on making sure Barbara found her way home. He declared he would call a cab from her flat then draped his arm around her shoulder as they pushed through the crowd on the footpath.

"Thanks Barbara," he said as she carefully tried to put the key in her lock.

"Got it!" Barbara opened the door and Tommy followed her inside. "Fancy a nightcap?"

Tommy nodded. "I had fun tonight," he said as they settled next to each other on her small sofa.

"Me too."

"We should do it more often." He extended his arm around her shoulder and snuggled her against his chest.

"I guess." She hoped he did not notice the colour creeping up her neck. "Yeah," she said, cautiously looking up at him, "I'd like that."

"May I stay?"

"Stay?" Barbara's heart leapt and she gave him a slight frown. "Yeah, if you want to. I'll find you a blanket."

She went to stand but Tommy put his other arm around her and held her in place. He leant forward over her shoulder so that his face was only inches from hers. "I want to stay with you."

"You're drunk!"

"So are you," he replied with a laugh. "And we're not too drunk."

"Why spoil a nice night?"

"I think it would enhance the evening." He gave her a soft kiss just below her ear.

Barbara wanted to lean back against him and let the night flow but she knew he was just lonely. "No wonder all your girlfriends leave you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tommy sat more upright and let his arms loosen around her.

Barbara pushed free of him and sat beside him, her elbows on her knees and her head resting on her hands. She did not know whether she wanted to stab him or cry. "Listen to yourself, Sir. You were going out on a date and got dumped. You were lonely and ended up here, now you think bedding the next warm body will stave off your demons. Did it work with any of the other women? No, because if it had you'd still be with them and not here. I won't be used like that!"

"Barbara!"

"Don't sound offended. I'm right and you know it."

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm not using you and it wasn't about staving off demons or you being the next woman in the chain. I don't care about Belinda. I didn't even like her. I thought... It doesn't matter. And for the record, I hadn't thought about sex."

"How can you ask to stay the night with someone, kiss them on the neck and not think about sex?" Barbara stood and moved towards her kitchen.

Tommy followed her. "Because it wasn't about that. You didn't object when I had my arm around your chair most of the night, or when we leaned in close to talk over the sound of the band."

"Why are you smiling?"

"I was remembering the fresh citrusy scent of your hair." The way Tommy was looking at her made Barbara uncomfortable.

"Stop it."

"What?"

"That confused puppydog look of yours."

"I can't help it. I realised tonight you're the only person I ever truly relax around. We have something special Barbara."

"That doesn't mean..." Barbara rested her hands on her bench as if needing it to steady her.

"Yes, I think it does. When we were sitting listening to the band it occurred to me that we have a relationship others spent a lifetime trying to find. Why am I looking for something I already have? I think we are good for each other and I'd like to explore that more because I believe we could have a future together." He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her towards him, encouraging her to turn and face him.

"But..."

"No buts Barbara. Let me stay." Tommy gave her a broad grin then embraced her slowly. This time she did not try to push him away

Until he wrapped his arms around her and held her like he had that time when she had needed his strength and protection, Barbara had not believed her ears. For so long she had dreamt of him making a speech like that but now he had said it, she was petrified. She stood stiffly in his embrace trying to decide what to do or say. His hands were gently caressing her back and his cheek was resting on her head. He was warm and safe and strong. She start to relax into his embrace.

"We should go to bed," he whispered softly into her hair.

"I don't think it'd be a good idea."

"Why not?"

She straighted up and used both her hands on the centre of his chest to shove him forcefully away. "Because tomorrow you'll sober up and remember all the reasons we've never stepped over that line. You'll leave, and I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing what it was like to have you in my bed and how empty it is without you."

"I won't."

"What?"

"Leave. I won't leave."

"You say that now but you will. It's inevitable."

"Why?"

"It just is."

"Because you think I'm just lonely? Well, I am lonely when I'm not with you. I'm almost unbearably lonely at times and the thought of seeing you, talking to you is the only thing that gets me through, but I don't want to stay because of that. I want to stay because... I love you."

The axis of Barbara's world shifted. His words were devastating. They were words she had longed to hear but she could not trust them. Tommy could not love her. It was a horrible, cruel joke, even if right now he thought it was true. "Oh for the love of... just go! Now!"

"Barbara!"

"You're making it all worse. Just go home Sir. Maybe we can pretend we were much drunker than we are and laugh about it later, but right now I want to kill you."

"Is that what you really want or does part of you wonder if it's true?"

The remark stung because she did wonder. The way he sometimes looked at her, the way they understood things about each other that no one else would ever know, it was possible. She wanted it to be true, but if he was in love with her he would not be out sleeping around so much. "I believe that tonight you think you are," she replied sadly.

"That's a start." Tommy stepped closer. "And I think you feel the same way."

"You think too much." She wanted to object when he put his arms around her again but his chest was warm and inviting. His hands roved her back with long soothing strokes. She was losing the battle, if she even wanted to win. One night might be better than nothing after all.

"I know I rushed you but let me stay with you Barbara. Don't send me away."

"Most men would give someone a hint. Kiss them or something rather than ask to go straight to bed."

"As I said, I didn't even think about sex. I just thought about curling up together. I wanted to feel that connection we have and just fall asleep in each other's arms."

"Oh." Barbara's head spun. He was confusing her. "So you don't want to kiss me?"

"Yes, I do, very much, but if I do, that might lead to more than either of us are ready for. We shouldn't rush this. I know you don't believe me but I just want to lie with you and feel you close to me. We can stay fully clothed. Actually we should stay fully clothed." Tommy gently kissed the top of her head. Shivers ran down to her toes. How could she lie with him and just cuddle?


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't believe you. You're not the cuddling type."

Tommy took a deep breath. She looked ravishingly sexy in those jeans tonight and felt wonderful in his arms. He was definitely tempted to make love to her. It hadn't started that way but the more they talked about it, the more the idea had appeal - great appeal. She stared up at him challenging him to prove this was not about lust. He was beginning to feel unpleasantly sober. It would be so easy to just kiss her but Tommy knew she wanted to find an excuse. If he let her build up a head of steam she would throw him out. He'd rather spent the night on her sofa than be sent away. Besides, above his desires, he really did just want to curl up with her. Their connection - dare he think love - was so much deeper than anything sexual. That would come, he was sure, and it would be wonderful. Right now though he had to be true to his word. Barbara had to know she could trust him.

Barbara had no reason to believe him given his history, but the way her hands tentatively rested on his hips he sensed she was searching desperately for one. He pulled her a little closer into his chest then gently kissed the top of her head. "You have me wrong Barbara, I am very much the cuddling type. All those women over time... it sounds pathetic but I needed physical contact. I had sex with them because you can't say to someone you're not in a relationship with, 'I just want to hold you'. The world doesn't work that way. Women have expectations. But with you that's all I need tonight. I want us both to feel safe and loved. Barbara, I want to take this slowly. This is not about physical release. It's about spritual release, for both of us. One day we will make love but only when you're ready to freely love me. I'm happy to woo you and convince you I'm serious. We can take this at your pace."

Her hands crept a little further around his back. "I'm scared."

Tommy was shocked. He had never meant anything he said or did to frighten her. "Don't be please. I'd never harm you."

"Not physically, I know that. I'm scared you'll break my heart."

"I understand, but you can't protect yours by breaking mine."

Barbara beat her fist against his chest. It hurt and he yelped in pain. "Do you know how many times you've already broken mine with all your women?"

"I'm sorry Barbara."

"Then why are you smiling?"

Tommy bent down towards her face. "Because it means you do love me."

She backed away but Tommy still had his arms around her waist. "Bravo Einstein! It's only taken you a decade to work that one out."

 _A decade?_ He suddenly understood so much. _Poor Barbara!_ Tommy searched for the right thing to say. "Do you know why Belinda dumped me?"

"No. Probably because you did something stupid. I can see a pattern developing."

"She accused me of being in love with you. Apparently I talked about you almost constantly but what upset her most was that I called her Barbara... at a critical time."

Barbara stared at him open-mouthed. Her jaw was moving but no sound came out. She was hard to shock but it looked as if he had managed it. "A critical time?" she finally said.

"Please don't make me spell it out."

Barbara tucked her lip pensively under her front tooth. "You didn't!"

"Yes, I did." Tommy knew his face had turned red. He could see her horror and disappointment but he needed her to understand that he was prepared to be totally honest with her, even about his seX life, miserable and pathetic as it sounded.

"While you were making love to someone else? I thought you had more respect for women."

She had clearly expected more from him. "I'm deeply ashamed of it, but yes. I want to be honest with you Barbara. I want you to know you can trust me. And it wasn't lovemaking. It was just sex."

"Oh well, that's alright then if it meant nothing. Bloody hell! I don't believe we're having this conversation. But see why I'm afraid? You used them. What if you start thinking of someone else while you shag me?"

Tommy winced. He deserved that but it would never happen. "I won't," he replied, "and it won't be shagging as you so eloquently put it. You know that. And I didn't use her. Belinda understood that our relationship was just about sex."

"How can I know that it'd be different with me? You've slept with at least seven women in the last three months alone. I don't want to be another in a line."

"I didn't sleep with them all, only two of them, but that's not important. As I said earlier I understand why you're concerned. Tonight is not about sex. Remember that night I came around here?"

Barbara nodded and smiled shyly. "Yes Tommy, I remember."

"We both know we've been in love for a long time. We were just too scared to admit it. I made a lot of people miserable by not facing the truth. Now you have to face it too. I will wait as long as you need me to Barbara." He smiled lovingly at her. It seemed out of context for the argument.

"What?"

"You called me Tommy!"

Barbara closed her eyes and shook her head. She let him slowly move closer until they were back in that familiar and comforting embrace. She sighed as hishand drew her head against his chest. "I'm probably going to regret what I'm about to say, Tommy, but... you'll have to take your shoes off."

* * *

When Tommy woke it was nearly ten o'clock. Somehow in the night they had changed positions and now Barbara was close to the wall. She was snoring softly and was holding his hand against her chest. He wriggled back slowly so he did not wake her. When he gently pulled his hand free she snorted loudly. His mouth was dry. It felt like the bottom of a birdcage. He climbed out of bed quietly and padded across the floor to her bathroom.

He splashed cool water across his face and ran his hand over his chin. It felt rough but he had no razor. After his toilet he opened her cabinet to look for a cup. There was none to be found so he dodged around the cramped space and bent down to take a drink from the tap. It seemed uncivilised and his back groaned in protest. He found her mouthwash and swished it around his mouth. He did not expect to kiss her yet but he wanted to be presentable.

When he returned to her room she was sitting up in bed. One glimpse of her face told him everything. There was loss, bewilderment and anger and when she looked up at him he saw her relief. She thought he had left her. "I needed the bathroom," he said apologetically. He was pleased that the one thing he did not see on her face was regret.

She smiled and began to look embarrassed. "Me too." She scurried past him.

Tommy debated his next move. He was still tired and he knew Barbara would be too. He did not want to go home yet so he decided to get back into bed. He hoped that when she returned she would join him. Tommy was uncomfortable in his clothes. His shirt had rubbed a line under his arm that was tender and his trousers were clammy. Cashmere was a less than ideal material for sleepwear.

He briefly debated whether stripping off would ruin the mood. He hoped not and it would be one step closer to them becoming comfortable with each other. He would savour the feel of her hands on his skin. He removed his shirt and trousers before climbing back into bed.

Earlier he had been surprised to find her room was neat and her bed made. Tommy had hung his jacket on the knob of her wardrobe door and removed his shoes, socks and belt before placing them neatly in the corner. Barbara on the other hand had flicked her shoes off her feet and had tried to discreetly remove her bra under her top.

Tommy had missed nothing. "I don't know how women do that, I have enough trouble with the contraptions when there's no shirt over them." He had kicked himself as soon as he said it. He sounded like the Cassanova she had accused him of being.

"Years of practice." She had looked down at the floor. "It's uncomfortable to sleep in one."

Tommy had smiled at her explanation. He knew she was trying to tell him not to read more into her move. They had stood awkwardly beside the bed waiting for the other to do something. Tommy had finally taken the lead. He had lifted the duvet and climbed into bed. He had smiled his invitation as he held up the cover. Barbara had tentatively got in beside him. Tommy remembered his joy as he felt her self-consciousness tension disappear when his arm came over her. With a deep, satisfied sigh, he had wriggled against her. It seemed silly now but at the time he had understood exactly how she felt. The world had stopped. It was just the two of them, bodies pressed together, in a little oasis of calm. She had looped her arm over him. For once in their lives they had both been at peace.

"Good morning," he said as she returned.

"Hiya." Her voice was slightly husky and incredibly sexy. Tommy's heart started thumping in his chest. She smelt of the same minty mouthwash and Tommy tried not to groan loudly as he smiled at her. It was much more of a struggle now, after sleeping all night in her arms, not to make love to her. Her hair was messed up and she looked tired but he wanted to wake up with her every morning. He had not slept as well in years despite his sore back from her small bed. Tonight he would ensure they slept at his house.

Barbara's smile was replaced with shock when she returned. She was staring at his shirt and trousers that were folded on the floor. "I still have my trunks on," he said calmly, "I was too hot."

He half expected her to ask him to leave. Instead she opened the middle drawer of her dresser and pulled out a large t-shirt. She faced away from him and unbuttoned her shirt. Tommy could not take his eyes off the soft alabaster of her back. He had expected the motley skin of a redhead but instead her back was almost flawless. He fought the urge to stand and kiss her neck then trace a line of kisses down her spine. A quick movement to his left attracted his eyes. It was a reflection in the mirror and he had fleeting glimpse of a large and perfectly formed breast. As much as he wanted to stare, he closed his eyes. Barbara had not invited him to look and would be horrified at the thoughts that were now running through his head.

He heard the zip of her jeans and opened his eyes in time to see them falling. Her legs were like her back and Tommy cursed himself for his promise to take everything at Barbara's pace. He wanted to make love to her and as she climbed in beside him, he knew it would be obvious to her too.

Her hands explored the texture of his chest making his skin tingle. He pushed his legs as far back against the wall as he could but her body followed. When she first pressed against his desire she paused. Tommy had been caressing the small of her back. He knew he should let her go so he stopped stroking her but did not remove his hand.

To his surprise Barbara wriggled closer. Tommy inhaled sharply and let his breath go in a long controlled sigh. She reached up and gently stroked his stubbly face. Tommy closed his eyes and groaned then pushed his groin a little harder against hers. When he opened his eyes she was looking at him in a way he had never seen her look before. "Are you sure Barbara?"

"Yes Tommy..."

His lips were on hers before she could finish her sentence. His kiss was eager but slow and tender. She responded, and as they began to deepen the kiss she took the lead with a hunger that shocked him. Any doubts he still had vanished.

* * *

Tommy knew he was grinning foolishly but he could not help it. As Barbara nestled into his side he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He glanced at his watch. "It's nearly four o'clock. Do you want to shower and go out for lunner?"

"Lunner?"

"Well it's too late for lunch and too early for dinner."

"Hmm," she said dreamily, "I don't want to face the world just yet."

He groaned as he bumped his head on the wall. "We could go to my place and pick something up on the way."

"I presume you have a bigger bed?"

"Much bigger."

"And?"

"And?"

"Well it's polite to wait for the host to invite you to visit."

"Ah, I see. Well in that case Ms Havers, would you do me the great pleasure of joining me in my bed this evening?"

"How could I refuse?"

"Actually, why don't you move in with me?"

Barbara began to laugh. She had made a strange, strangled noise. "Sorry, it was your face," she managed between a series of snorty laughs.

"My face? You sounded as if you were choking on my idea."

"No, it was just... a bit sudden."

"Overdue, I think. Last night and today - we should make it permanent."

"You might regret that."

Tommy shook his head. He decided to be bold. "Never. Better still, maybe we should make it permanent and legal."

"Legal?"

"I know you'll think this is just because we spent the day making love but all it has done is crystalise a range of feelings I had for you into something very, very special. I love you. We both know that don't we?"

"Yes."

"Then?"

"I love you too Tommy." He knew she was deliberately avoiding his question while she debated her response.

"So?" Tommy ran his fingertips down her spine. He expected her to say no, but he would not be deterred. He would ask again and again until she eventually agreed.

"Yes."

"Yes? Oh Barbara." He kissed her hard but with great love and tenderness. She would not change her mind now. If there was one thing he had learnt in the last six or so hours was that Barbara knew what she wanted and was not afraid to go after it.


End file.
